Dating again after divorce or losing a partner

Starting to date again after a divorce or the loss of a partner can feel strange, exciting and daunting all at once. Plenty of people are in exactly the same position, and there's no single right way to go about it. These are a few thoughts to help you find your own way.

You'll know when you're ready

There's no set time you should wait, whatever friends or family might say. Some people feel ready within months, others take years. A good sign is when you're curious about meeting someone new for who they are, rather than looking to fill a gap or to prove something. If you're unsure, there's no harm in creating a profile and simply browsing for a while.

Be kind to yourself

It's normal to feel guilty, nervous or out of practice. Dating has changed, and it's fine to learn as you go. Take things at your own pace, and remember that you can pause at any time.

Talking about your past

You don't need to tell your whole story on a first date. A simple, honest line is enough: "I was married for twenty years" or "I lost my husband a few years ago." Most people will appreciate the honesty, and plenty will have a story of their own.

Try to keep the early conversations mostly about now: what you enjoy, where you like to walk, what you're looking forward to. There will be time for the rest as you get to know each other.

Family and friends

Grown up children, friends and in-laws can have mixed feelings about you meeting someone new. That's understandable, but it's your life. Share as much as you're comfortable with, and there's no need to introduce anyone until things feel settled.

Keep first dates simple

• Start with coffee or a walk. Short and relaxed, with an easy way to extend it if it's going well.
• Choose somewhere new. A place without old memories lets you both focus on the present.
• Stay safe. Meet in public and tell a friend where you're going. Our guide to dating safely covers the basics.

Meeting someone who understands

One of the nice things about a local site is that the people you meet often have similar experiences and a similar pace of life. If you're in your 50s or beyond, you're in very good company. Our guide to dating in your 50s, 60s and beyond has more ideas.

If you're finding things hard after a loss, talking to someone can help. Your GP can point you towards local bereavement support.

• later-life
• divorce
• advice